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A Completely Unreliable Newspaper from the Counterfeit Art Dept.
A Stanley Millz Production.
ART / MONEY / CULTURE / SATIRE / BEHINE THE SCENES
Real Topics, Not Taken Serious
SAME WORLD.
DIFFERENT ANGLE.
NOT AS BIG.
The Issue is a satirical editorial series from Stanley Millz. Art, money, culture and everything in between - told through a petty lens. Unreal stories, unreal takes. behind-the-scenes context. Because the truth hits different when your reading the issue.
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BANKSY SEEN BUYING BANKNOTES
Bristol - Satire
An unidentified man believed by absolutely nobody reliable to be Banksy was reportedly seen purchasing used banknotes from a confused bloke outside a cash machine on Tuesday.
Witnesses claim the hooded figure examined each note carefully before asking whether any had “a decent amount of social commentary left in them.”
“He gave me twenty quid for a tenner,” said local resident Dave, who has since described himself as an international art dealer. “I told him it was only worth ten pounds, but he said value was a social construct and disappeared behind a Greggs.”​
The mysterious buyer allegedly rejected one five-pound note because it was “too commercial” and another because somebody had already drawn glasses on the King.
Art experts immediately valued the purchased tenner at somewhere between £10 and £4.2 million, depending on whether Banksy admits touching it.
At the time of publication, the note had already appeared at auction under the title Quantitative Easing No. 3.
Sotheby’s refused to comment but did begin measuring the nearest wall.
STARMER ACCUSED OF WOLF-WHISTLING AT OAPS
Prime Minister denies attempting to join Mecca Bingo hen night.
Sir Keir Starmer has been forced to deny completely fictional allegations that he wolf-whistled at a group of pensioners leaving Mecca Bingo on Friday night. According to witnesses who do not exist, the Prime Minister was heard shouting, “Is that a full house, or are you just pleased to see me?” before adjusting his tie and attempting what Downing Street later described as “a routine electoral manoeuvre.”
The pensioners were reportedly unimpressed. “I’ve heard better chat-up lines from the automatic doors,” said 78-year-old Brenda, while protecting a handbag containing £14.60 in winnings and three emergency Werther’s Originals. Another witness claims Starmer offered to buy the group a round, but withdrew the promise after conducting a six-week consultation and discovering it had not been properly costed. A Downing Street spokesperson said: “The Prime Minister categorically denies wolf-whistling. He was merely announcing a fully funded appreciation strategy for older voters.” The group later left in a taxi without him. Starmer was last seen outside the bingo hall attempting to form a working majority with two smokers and a fruit machine.
FROM THE COUNTERFEIT ART DEPT.
MILLZ PUTS REAL MONEY BEHIND PLASTIC
Public Issue expands as currency art receives maximum-security treatment
While Westminster battles imaginary bingo scandals, Stanley Millz has been busy turning genuine currency into artwork—and then locking it inside slabs as though the money has finally been arrested for everything it has done.
The Public Issue collection presents original, hand-finished currency artwork inside substantial archival-style cases. Pieces are signed, numbered and connected to digital certificates through NFC authentication.
The evolving Public Issue Archive includes formats for single-bill and multi-bill compositions, giving each work the appearance of evidence recovered from a financial crime scene.
This is not mass-produced wall decoration. Each original is built, finished and documented as an individual collectible artwork.
Elsewhere in the department, framed currency works continue under Cash Reserves—a title which sounds reassuring until you realise the reserves have been painted on and hung on a wall.
Collectors can verify participating works through SecureVerify, allowing ownership details and certificates to be accessed by tapping the NFC tag. It is considerably more advanced than the traditional art-world authentication method of squinting at a signature and saying, “Looks about right.”
Money Market Report
The pound spent Tuesday pretending everything was fine.
The dollar remained green, rectangular and extremely confident for a piece of paper.
Cryptocurrency rose sharply after a man on YouTube drew an arrow pointing upwards.
Original Millz currency art remained unavailable from high-street banks, despite several customers asking whether it could be withdrawn over the counter.
Financial experts recommend diversifying your portfolio across cash, art and objects your partner has specifically asked you not to buy.
Art World Weather
Monday: Heavy criticism with outbreaks of pretension.
Tuesday: Bright spells across independent galleries. Poor visibility inside conceptual installations.
Wednesday: A cold front arrives from Sotheby’s, pushing prices upwards for no obvious reason.
Thursday: Scattered spray paint followed by widespread denial.
Friday: Purple skies over the Counterfeit Art Dept. with a strong chance of another release.
Weekend: Mostly framed.
Classified Ads
FOR SALE
One slightly used economic system.
Previous owners careless. Requires complete restoration.
No time-wasters or politicians.
WANTED
Original thought.
Must be authentic, independently verified and not copied from Pinterest.
LOST
Public confidence.
Last seen somewhere between an election promise and the final invoice.
FOUND
A one-dollar bill with significantly improved career prospects.
VACANCY
The Counterfeit Art Dept. requires an unpaid cultural commentator.
No experience necessary. Must be willing to describe ordinary objects as “a conversation.”
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
Dear The Issue,
I purchased an artwork made using real currency. Is it still legal tender?
— Concerned, Birmingham
No. It has escaped employment and entered the arts.
Dear The Issue,
My husband says buying art is not an investment.
— Anonymous
Your husband owns an air fryer with Wi-Fi. His financial judgement is inadmissible.
Dear The Issue,
Is the pigeon qualified to give political opinions?
— Sandra
More qualified than most pigeons currently working in Westminster.
THE BIG ISSUE
Published twice weekly by Stanley Millz and the Counterfeit Art Dept.
Good art. Bad systems. Questionable reporting.
Follow @stanley_millz for artwork, studio updates and future releases.